Shelley Braymen 10/24/25 Shelley Braymen 10/24/25

The Hidden Dangers of Couples Using ChatGPT for Relationship Advice

In the age of instant answers, it’s tempting for couples to turn to artificial intelligence for relationship advice. After all, ChatGPT and similar tools can generate compassionate, articulate responses that sound a lot like what a therapist might say. But while AI can be helpful for gathering general information or communication tips, using it as a substitute for therapy—or as a referee in a relationship—can be risky and even damaging.

1. AI Can’t Read the Room

Healthy couples work depends on context: tone of voice, body language, history, trauma, and emotional regulation. These nuances are invisible to a chatbot. ChatGPT responds only to what’s typed, not to what’s felt. When couples bring deep wounds, attachment injuries, or power imbalances into their messages, AI has no ability to detect those dynamics or intervene safely. It can offer “balanced” advice that inadvertently reinforces unhealthy patterns, such as encouraging a people-pleaser to “see their partner’s perspective” without addressing boundary violations or emotional abuse.

2. No Accountability or Ethical Framework

Licensed therapists operate under strict ethical codes that protect confidentiality, consent, and client safety. ChatGPT does not. The platform does not form a therapeutic relationship, hold confidentiality in the same way, or take responsibility for the emotional impact of its suggestions. Couples might treat its answers as authoritative guidance, but there is no trained professional behind those words—only statistical predictions based on patterns of text.

3. It Can Encourage “Intellectualizing” Instead of Healing

Couples who are already conflict-avoidant or overly analytical may find AI advice comforting because it feels rational and calm. But real growth often happens in discomfort—through empathy, vulnerability, and repair. ChatGPT can unintentionally collude with a couple’s defense mechanisms, helping them “talk about” their problems instead of actually feeling and resolving them. It’s like reading about swimming while the pool is filling up behind you.

4. False Neutrality Can Be Harmful

ChatGPT is programmed to avoid taking sides. That sounds fair, but neutrality isn’t always therapeutic. When one partner is being gaslighted, emotionally neglected, or controlled, an AI’s even-handed language can sound validating to the more dominant partner and invalidating to the one in distress. The result can be further entrenchment of harmful dynamics.

5. It Misses the Power of Human Connection

The heart of couples therapy isn’t clever phrasing—it’s connection. A skilled therapist helps partners co-regulate, attune, and feel seen in ways no algorithm can replicate. Human presence carries empathy, accountability, and repair energy. AI can mimic warmth, but it cannot feel it with you.

Bottom Line

AI tools like ChatGPT can be useful for brainstorming date ideas, learning Gottman terminology, or summarizing a communication technique. But when it comes to the emotional core of a relationship—trust, betrayal, vulnerability, trauma, and forgiveness—real healing requires human connection and professional guidance.

Use ChatGPT for curiosity, not counseling. Your relationship deserves something deeper than a well-worded prediction.

Shelley Braymen 6/15/25 Shelley Braymen 6/15/25

Title: What Is IFIO Couples Therapy? A Pathway to Deeper Intimacy and Emotional Safety

In the world of couples therapy, many approaches aim to improve communication and repair ruptures—but few offer the depth and transformational potential of IFIO, or Intimacy from the Inside Out. Developed by Martha Sweezy and Toni Herbine-Blank and rooted in the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model, IFIO is a powerful method that helps partners connect with themselves and each other in profoundly healing ways.

What Is IFIO?

IFIO stands for Intimacy from the Inside Out, and it is a couples therapy approach grounded in the belief that healthy intimacy is born from self-awareness and internal healing. Building upon IFS therapy—where we understand the psyche as made up of “parts” of ourselves (like protectors, managers, exiles, and the core Self)—IFIO brings this framework into the relational space between two people.

Rather than simply resolving surface-level conflicts, IFIO helps couples:

Understand how past wounds and protective strategies shape their reactions
Develop compassion for themselves and their partner
Communicate from a grounded, Self-led place rather than from reactivity
Restore emotional safety and trust in the relationship

How Does IFIO Work?

In IFIO, each partner learns to identify the parts of themselves that show up in moments of conflict—like the defensive part that snaps when feeling criticized, or the people-pleasing part that avoids expressing needs. The therapist creates a safe space for each partner to explore their inner world while the other partner listens with curiosity, rather than judgment.

Over time, partners practice speaking for their parts (e.g., “A part of me feels abandoned when you pull away”), rather than from them (“You never care about me!”). This subtle but powerful shift helps diffuse conflict and creates space for vulnerable, heartfelt communication.

Sessions often include:

Parts work: Identifying and dialoguing with protective and wounded parts
Self-to-Self communication: Learning how to speak and listen from a calm, compassionate place
Witnessing exercises: Allowing partners to observe and empathize with each other’s emotional worlds
Repair work: Gently processing past hurts and relational injuries

Who Is IFIO For?

IFIO is ideal for couples who:

Struggle with recurring conflict or emotional disconnection
Have difficulty feeling heard or understood
Want to explore how past trauma or family-of-origin issues impact the relationship
Desire deeper emotional intimacy and trust

It’s especially helpful for partners who are open to exploring their own emotional patterns—not just “fixing” the other person.

Why Choose IFIO?

Traditional communication tools like “I statements” and active listening can be helpful, but they often fall short when deeper emotional wounds are activated in the relationship. IFIO reaches into those tender places with compassion, allowing healing to occur from the inside out.

In this model, intimacy is not about being perfect—it’s about being real, self-aware, and emotionally present. IFIO gives couples a map to navigate the complexities of love with empathy and courage.

Final Thoughts

If you and your partner feel stuck in old patterns or long for a more authentic, connected relationship, IFIO offers a transformative path forward. By turning inward with curiosity and compassion, and then outward with vulnerability and intention, couples can experience a depth of intimacy that goes far beyond surface-level solutions.

If you're curious about IFIO and how it might help your relationship, consider reaching out to a therapist trained in the model. Healing starts with a single step—and that step begins with you.

Shelley Braymen 3/19/24 Shelley Braymen 3/19/24

Love Addiction Unmasked: The Hidden Truth

Do you often find yourself chasing after love and relationships in search of fulfillment, only to be left feeling more empty and lost than ever before? If so, you may be struggling with love addiction - a complex and often hidden issue that can have a profound impact on your emotional well-being. In this article, we will dive deep into the world of love addiction, uncovering its common signs and symptoms, exploring its psychological roots, and providing practical tips on how to break free from its grip. By shedding light on this often stigmatized topic, we aim to empower individuals to recognize and overcome destructive patterns in their relationships, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and self-loving life.

Understanding Love Addiction

It's important to understand that love addiction is not simply about loving someone deeply or being in a committed relationship. Instead, it involves a compulsive need for love and validation that can lead to unhealthy and destructive behaviors. By delving into the underlying psychology of love addiction, we can better grasp the reasons behind our constant search for love and how it can negatively impact our lives.

Smoothly transitioning, we will now explore the common signs and symptoms that may indicate you are struggling with love addiction.

Common Signs and Symptoms

One of the most common signs of love addiction is an intense and overwhelming need for constant validation and attention from your partner. This can result in feelings of insecurity and anxiety when you are not receiving the level of affection you desire. Another sign to look out for is a pattern of placing your partner's needs above your own, even to the detriment of your own well-being. Additionally, constantly seeking out new relationships or jumping from one partner to another in search of the perfect love can be a sign of love addiction.

Other symptoms include feeling a sense of emptiness or incompleteness when you are not in a romantic relationship, relying heavily on your partner for your sense of self-worth, and feeling a chronic fear of abandonment. If you find yourself constantly seeking validation from others and feeling a deep sense of despair or loneliness when you are alone, it may be time to consider whether you are struggling with love addiction.

Recognizing these signs and symptoms is the first step in addressing and overcoming love addiction. By understanding the underlying psychology of this condition, we can begin to unravel the complex web of emotions and behaviors that drive our compulsive need for love and validation. Understanding the common signs and symptoms of love addiction can help us identify the ways in which it may be impacting our lives and relationships, paving the way for a deeper exploration of the psychological roots of this issue.

The Psychological Roots of Love Addiction

The next step in overcoming love addiction is to explore strategies for breaking free from its grip and reclaiming control over our emotions and relationships.

Breaking Free from Love Addiction

One of the most powerful strategies for breaking free from love addiction is to focus on self-love and self-care. By prioritizing our own well-being and happiness, we can begin to shift our focus from seeking validation from others to finding fulfillment within ourselves. This may involve setting boundaries in our relationships, practicing self-compassion, and engaging in activities that bring us joy and fulfillment.

Another important step in overcoming love addiction is seeking support from therapy or support groups. Working with a therapist can help us delve deeper into the underlying reasons for our addictive behaviors and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Connecting with others who have experienced similar struggles can provide us with a sense of community and understanding, helping us feel less alone in our journey towards recovery.

It's important to remember that breaking free from love addiction is a process that takes time and effort. It may involve setbacks and challenges along the way, but with dedication and perseverance, it is possible to overcome this destructive pattern and cultivate healthier relationships built on love, respect, and mutual support. By taking these steps towards healing and growth, we can begin to create a more fulfilling and balanced life for ourselves and those we care about.

In conclusion, understanding and addressing love addiction is crucial for creating healthier relationships and emotional well-being. By recognizing the signs and symptoms, exploring the psychological roots, and taking proactive steps to break free from destructive patterns, you can cultivate a life filled with fulfillment and self-love. Remember, self-awareness and self-love are essential in overcoming love addiction. As you embark on this journey, keep in mind that the key to breaking free lies within you. Take the necessary steps towards healing, and embrace a life that is truly fulfilling.

"Love yourself first and everything else falls into line." - Lucille Ball

Shelley Braymen 4/19/23 Shelley Braymen 4/19/23

When in doubt, don’t

One of the best ways to avoid conflict and internal discord is to pause when in doubt. If you find yourself wondering “Should I do this?”, “Should I say that?”, “Should I go there?”, you are in doubt! It only takes a second to stop yourself from doing something that could cause harm to yourself or others. This is simple, but not easy. A knee-jerk reaction to stimuli, unfortunately, is usually wrong. Building in a pause can prevent pain and suffering for the people around you, and more importantly, for you.

Learning to slow down and respond to life, rather than constantly reacting to life, will reduce strife and bring about sustainable contentment and peace. When I am in doubt, if I remember to pause, I get an answer from the universe. That answer is almost always “no”, especially when the impulse to do that particular thing or give that specific advice is strong. When I feel an overwhelming urge to get involved in something outside my sphere of influence, it is usually a component of my ego. It comes from a desire to make sure I am “heard” or “understood”. When the ego is running the show, it is nearly impossible to pause.

Spirit, on the other hand, does not need to be heard or understood. It seeks instead to hear and understand others. That is why when I pause, the universe steps in with clarity. Pausing gives me time to return to spirit, and spirit knows what I should do. Most of the time, it is to do nothing. I have learned that when I do less, God can do more.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” – Viktor Frankl